Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Weight gain’

What happened???

On May 10, 2008 I got married to the love of my life:

Tania & Jason

Tania & Jason 2

Tania 1

I was happy, excited to be starting a new life together and felt so many wonderful emotions that day. It was a perfect day with all of our family and friends there.  I also, for one of the few times in my life, felt 100% satisfied with the way I looked. I’m not the sort of person to obsess about my looks or belittle myself, but I had a particular idea of what I should look like at my own wedding.

When Jason asked me to marry him, 14 months before the wedding, I was thrilled! I mean who wouldn’t be? I was going to marry my one true love! But the day we got engaged, this nagging voice began to speak in my head: “you need to lose weight for the wedding! You CANNOT be a fat bride!!!” (as if that could have been the worst thing to happen to me–so silly! LOL)  So I thought about how I wanted to “get healthy” for the wedding and made plans to start diet A. Well, life got in the way and diet A never happened. Many months later, that nagging voice hit me again, and I came up with a plan for a different diet–diet B of course! Well, I probably did 2 weeks of diet B and threw in the towel, because I was just too busy! We needed to save up for both the wedding and our new house and so I worked 3 jobs–one full time, one part time, and one casual–to earn money for the wedding and house. I was beyond burnt out.

Fast forward to 7 months before the wedding. I’m stressed out, overweight and just not feeling well. I step on the scale and think WTF? I weigh 220 lbs. With a wedding in  7 months. That nagging voice becomes a shreik! “OMG what are you going to do??? You have 7  months and you look like a balloon!!!”

So what did I do? I got down to business my friends!!! I cleaned up my eating, stuck to fruits, vegetables, lean protein and some low glycemic carbohydrates. I began to exercise and eventually added running twice a day and daily pilates to my regime. I was a girl on a mission!

And clearly, the results are before you. I lost 65 pounds during that time and worked very hard for it. Could it have been done in a slightly healthier way? Absolutely. But I will never forget the feeling of being buttoned into my wedding dress and seeing it fit like a glove. I knew that day that I not only felt beautiful, but I looked beautiful.

My husband and I had both lost weight for the wedding, felt great, had a picture perfect wedding and went on a beautiful, memorable honeymoon. I had visions of us living a wonderful, perfect, healthy life together. Eating well and exercising together.

And what happened?

I was so focused on the dress, I lost myself. Due to details  I won’t get into, my husband and I had to live apart for the first 3 months of our marriage. It was not something we wanted to do, but our house was not yet ready and my moving in with him was not a possibility. I was upset about it, depressed about it, and all I wanted was to be with my husband. I didn’t care where, I just wanted to be together!

So what did I do with those emotions? I ate them. I let go of my improved eating habits and instead of taking my head start and truly beginning a healthy, moderate lifestyle; I started to binge on junk food. If it’s tasty, I assure you that I ate it. Donuts, burgers, pizza, chocolate, ice cream, etc.  I got caught in a horrible trap of eating, feeling low in energy, and then eating some more to feel better. It was a crazy cycle that left me feeling tired, sluggish and foggy. I was moody and just wanted to sleep. In the 3 months that I spent living without my husband, I gained 25 lbs.

Unfortunately, things didn’t get better once we moved into our new home. We are both very busy professionals, not having a lot of time for ourselves. Take out, dinner out and delivery became our mainstays. We both gained weight until we essentially came close to our pre-wedding weights. I will never forget the looks on peoples faces–so supportive when they saw me losing weight for the wedding, and then faces of shock and horror to see that 8 months after the wedding, I had gained back every single pound.

To this day, I cringe when I look at my wedding photos. I long to look that way again and feel embarassed about the weight gain. But this didn’t happen to me, I made it happen. I am responsible for what I did to myself.

And thus I am responsible again, to lose this weight and get it off FOR GOOD. I really and truly never want this to be an issue again in my life. I have been round and round this issue so many times that I’m putting grooves into it. Enough. Enough with the restriction, enough with the living and dying by the scale, enough with the feeling inadequate because I’m not a size 2. Because guess what, I’ll probably never be a size 2!

ENOUGH!

All I can do is move on from here.  That’s why I named this blog Moment Anew. THIS is my Moment Anew. My chance to make it right. To be healthy, live in moderation and to get my life back to where it should be. And while I long to look the way I looked at my wedding, I am also savouring every moment of my journey and learning SO much!

So tonight, I toast myself and my “Moment Anew”. I toast a new lifestyle, new friends and being part of a new community.  Most importantly, I toast you for your support and encouragement. Here’s to the journey!

Cheers! 🙂

xo

Read Full Post »