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Project ME

So it’s December 14, 2009.

Relatively few days left of this year, moving towards a whole new year, a new opportunity for more good things to come.

Looking back on this year, I have mostly positive feelings for everything that has happened. I’m grateful for my family, friends, my job, and the forum and friends I have found here 🙂

Part of what I am grateful for is my ability to step back and gain perspective on situations. I am the type of person who pushes herself a lot. I have had to push myself through a lot of fear and anxiety in the past, and it always gotten me far. It allowed me to grow as a person and push myself to achieve something even when part of me didn’t believe I could do it. In general, if I have fear or anxiety about something, it’s generally because there is something there that I’m not dealing with….that I need to deal with so that I can move past it and just get the F over it!

And so dear scale, you may not like me, and some days I may not like you, but we’re going to learn to get along!

And YOU……

I see you there, hiding behind every box in my pantry….you sneaky bitches!!! Well guess what? We’re going to get along too!  (We’ll all be singing Kumbaya before you know it! LOL )

And thus it begins…..

PROJECT ME

Goals: (in no particular order, just sounds nice this way!)

  • Lose weight
  • Get fit
  • Feel great!

Goal #1: Lose weight

What:

  • Long term: 30-35 lb weight loss
  • Short term: approximately 5-8 lbs/month

How:

  • Logging my food here everyday
  • Counting calories
  • Creating an average deficit of 500 calories per day via diet and adjusting my daily calorie target with every 10 lb loss
  • Exercising to aid the deficit
  • Continuing to follow the food guidelines I have laid out in my “Plan” section

How I will measure my weight loss:

  • Weekly weigh ins will be reinstated
  • Weekly measurements

When will I complete this goal?

  • I will strive to complete my goal by May 10, 2010–my two year wedding anniversary

How will I celebrate?

  • I will celebrate the loss of every 10 lbs and/or every dress size….and whenever I feel a celebration is in order! 🙂
  • If it fits, I will parade around in my wedding dress on May 10, 2010.

Goal #2: Get Fit

What:

  • Engage in some sort of cardiovascular activity for at least 30 minutes, at least 5 times per week
  • Begin sessions with a trainer (which I paid for quite some time ago but didn’t end up going out of fear and embarassment)
  • Get to the point where you can run for at least 30/45/60 minutes with minimal breaks
  • Run a 10K this spring/early summer

How:

  • Logging my workouts here
  • Hitting the gym straight after work
  • Scheduling my training sessions in advance
  • Looking into different ways of being active this winter: cross country skiing, snowshoeing, etc.

How will I measure my fitness?

  • Keep track of how long I can run without stopping
  • Keep track of how much weight I am pushing, how many crunches I can do, etc.
  • Monitor “functional fitness”: ease of movement and strength in everyday life
  • Run the Easter Seals Run/Walk-athon 10K Race on May 30, 2010.

When will I complete this goal?

  • I will complete the race, but fitness is not an end. It’s a beginning 🙂

Goal #3: Feel Great!

  • Eat a mostly raw salad OR Green Monster everyday
  • Continue to eat the foods listed in The Plan
  • Drink lots of water
  • Get 10 minutes of sunshine (if not working the 0700-1930 dayshift) everyday if possible
  • Do something for ME once a week : massage, manicure, yoga class, meditation, dinner/coffee out with friends, movie,  a classical concert/opera
  • Make myself an actual PRIORITY in my life
  • Because not everyone is as lucky as we are: get involved in social/local causes. This month: CP24/CHUM Christmas Wish

How?

  • Make a checklist: water, sunshine, salad!
  • Plan in advance: schedule ME time
  • Weekly check in with myself–how am I feeling? So far, so good!

And so it begins….TOMORROW!

Stats to be updated tomorrow and it all goes down here, folks! I’m serious about getting down to business. And boy, am I looking forward to continuing with the progress that I have made 🙂

I have this funny feeling that a year from now, I’m going to be a very different person!!!

K, I’m off to plan my dinner party!

Have a fantastic day everyone! Will post later 🙂

Snacky snacky….

Hello!

Hope everyone is well! My day was a hodge podge of sorts–woke up late, grabbed coffee with a friend, picked out a recipe for a dinner party I’m throwing tomorrow, went grocery shopping….and then back to the grocer’s because I forgot one of my key ingredients! D’oh!

I started off my day with a yogurt bowl:

Yogurt Bowl

I used:

  • plain nonfat yogurt
  • 1 banana
  • handful of almonds
  • 1 tsp cocoa powder

It was full of chocolatey goodness! Then I met a friend for coffee–I had a large coffee from Tim Hortons with 2% milk. We had a great talk about reflecting on the past year and our goals for 2010.  After my multiple trips to the grocers, I was ready to try out the recipe I had selected for tomorrow’s dinner party:

Baked Pasta Casserole

The recipe is from 101 Cookbooks–a gorgeous site I happened to stumble on today. Apart from not being able to find medium sized shell pasta at the grocers and adding some shredded chicken breast, I followed the recipe as is. I substituted penne rigate for the shells:

Baked Casserole Pasta

This was a lovely baked pasta but not what I had in mind for tomorrow. I was looking for something with a little more moisture. My plan is to combine this recipe with Giada’s Chicken Tetrazzini recipe. My goal is to make a baked pasta that has a slightly creamy (but not heavy) consistency, has lots of veggies in it and a bit of shredded chicken breast. I can see the recipe in my head, you’ll see it here later tomorrow evening! 🙂

Gonna start working on tomorrow morning’s  announcement post!

Cheers,

T

ps. I finally got around to updating my Blog Roll! Please check it out–lots of great blogs there! 🙂

Evening everyone!

I had an interesting day trying to get some things done here at home while trying to get my sleep schedule back to normal. The worst thing about working nights is getting used to working nights. Getting back into a regular (aka non nocturnal) sleep schedule after working a couple of night shifts can be very difficult.  I end up feeling tired all day and all night!

I subsequently ended up waking up very late today. Much too late for breakfast!! I had a variety of steamed veggies from yesterday’s leftovers and decided to make a warm winter vegetable salad:

Warmed winter salad

I used:

  • mixed greens
  • steamed broccoli, cauliflower, baby carrot, snow peas and zucchini
  • diced red bell pepper
  • spanish onion
  • dressed in balsamic vinegar, 1 tsp olive oil, kosher salt and ground black pepper

I ate this with one melba toast and enjoyed 1.5 mugs of coffee afterwards with 1% milk.

While I was initially planning to prepare some salmon for dinner, J and I were both in the mood for some sushi so we ordered from Koganei Sushi, my absolute favourite Japanese restaurant!

Edamame

Spicy Salmon Rolls

Mmmmmmmmmmmm…..I had about 8 edamame pods and ended up having 10 spicy salmon rolls. It was delicious!

So both my hubby and sister in law have asked for my Christmas wish list–we generally do Kris Kringle amongst my husband’s family and my SIL has me this year. Although writing wish lists was really weird to me at first, I realized it just made things easier for everyone involved since we all ended up getting something we liked and didn’t have to sit around guessing. Also, hubby usually needs some direction in terms of buying for me. So I came up with a bunch of things that I thought would be good options for either of them in a variety of price ranges: (We generally spend ~ $150 for our Kris Kringle)

My Wish List:

  • A heart rate monitor–I figure I could really put this to use in starting up my running again! I’m thinking something simple that tracks calories, HR and pace. Something easy to use. Anyone have any suggestions as to which model??
  • Uggs style boots–perhaps people think they’re passe, but they just look so comfy and would be good for wearing to and from work/gym
  • Subscription to Martha Stewart Living or some other mag with great recipes
  • Gift certificate to: Aveda spa/Sephora/Spa Finder
  • Comfy pj’s
  • Yoga/exercise mat
  • Healthy cookbook
  • Cute tote for work
  • Great lip balm that has a “finger free” application
  • Peppermint flavoured coffee

So just a lot of random things that I’d end up buying for myself anyways…

What’s on your wish list? 🙂

Have a great night everyone!

T

ps.  A big announcement Monday regarding changes to The Plan and keeping track of The Stats.

Oopsy daisy…

Hope everyone’s having a great snowy day! 🙂

So my camera isn’t cooperating with me today so no photos 😦

Breakfast: a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch with 1% milk

Lunch:  my favourite sushi ever–Spicy Salmon Rolls

Early dinner: roasted chicken breast with steamed veggies

Exercise: 20 minute walk outside

Snow….slush…ice….mud…..winter storms…….

Winter Storm

It took about an hour to get home this morning, despite it normally being a 20 minute drive. What is it about the first snow storm that causes people to forget how to drive???

Anyhow, by the time I got home I was very hungry so I made a super quick, super satisfying breakfast:

Eggs and melba toast

Lunch was my 2 old faithfuls: salad and a green monster:

Salad and GM

For my salad I used:

  • mixed greens
  • campari tomatoes
  • baby carrots
  • 1/2 avocado
  • spanish onion
  • 1/3 C kidney beans
  • 1 tsp olive oil, balsamic vinegar, kosher salt & ground pepper

And my GM:

  • 3 leaves of kale
  • 1.25 C 1% milk
  • 1/2 frozen banana
  • 1 TB plain nonfat yogurt
  • 1 TB flaxseeds

And while I’ll be having dinner at work, here’s what my hubby prepared for me:

Catfish and mushrooms

Cajun catfish and button mushrooms in cajun spices and sriracha sauce. I’m only going to bring 1/2 of the fish with me and I’ll bring along some baby carrots and clementines.

My dinner last night: I had packed some almonds and fruit for dinner last night at work but this definitely was NOT enough for me and I ended up snacking on some candied nuts we had at work and had 2 Glo Bars I had stashed in my work locker.

I have come to recognize that ingesting large amounts of sugar will leave me with unsteady blood sugar levels for about a day or two and I’ll have all sorts of cravings. When this happens, I usually up the protein, good fats and water and it slowly takes care of itself.

How do you deal with cravings and unsteady blood sugar levels?

Apart from the cravings, which are subsiding, I am feeling well. I’m definitely looking forward to hitting the gym tomorrow. Tonight is my final night shift (and they’ve been pretty brutal–virtually no sleep breaks) and I’ll have a few days off after that. 🙂

Have a wonderful evening everyone!

T

Onward and Upward….

Hey all!

So my day started at 2pm when I awoke after my night shift. I had a horrific headache that pounded with every step I took. My surefire cure:

water and GM

I also had a great big mug of English Breakfast tea with a bit of 1% milk. The GM had kale, banana, 1% milk, plain nonfat yogurt and flaxseeds. My headache was gone within about 45 minutes. 🙂

For lunch, I invited a new friend over for some salad:

Balsamic Vinegar

I thought I’d try something different. I’ve tried a LOT of different balsamics and I had always seen this one at my grocer’s so I thought I’d give it a go!

Lunch:

Salad

My salad:

  • mixed greens
  • campari tomatoes
  • baby carrots
  • 1/2 avocado
  • spanish onion
  • dressed in balsamic vinegar, olive oil, kosher salt and ground pepper

The balsamic was tasty but very subtle in flavour. I had to use more than I would usually use and it still somewhat lacked both the sweetness and acidity that I would normally expect from a premium balsamic.  It wasn’t terrible, just not the best I’ve had.

Along with my salad I had some Allegro skim milk cheese and a high protein pita:

Cheese plate

I’m working tonight so my dinner post won’t be up until tomorrow. Have a great night everyone!

T

In the confessional

So here we are, onto today. To sum it up:

Today was not a good day.

When I started this blog, it was (and is) my intention to share with you not only my food choices, but emotionally, how I was handling my issues with weight, weight loss and body image. With regards to these issues, I promised to be 100% honest and to wear my heart on my sleeve. I do this, not because I want to share my business with everyone, but because I know without a doubt that there are a lot of people out there dealing with the same issues. That said, I knew the day might come when I had to discuss a binge or some angst about my weight. My confession is as follows:

I had been weighing myself every morning since my last documented weigh in.

This may not seem like a big deal to people. And normally, it wouldn’t be for me. The problem was this: I had gained weight the day after last week’s weigh in. It upset me. Naturally, I blamed the pizza I had eaten the night before. But here’s the kicker:

My weight didn’t go back down. It stayed there. Despite all efforts.

Despite the clean eating, the exercising, the water, etc. It did not budge. And so today, I let myself get the best of me. I felt upset and angry. I irrationally thought to myself, “why am I going to all this trouble when it’s not even working??” And so instead of my planned visit to the gym,

I went to the grocery store.

I came home. I even fought it as I was about to do it. I grabbed a shirt and pants that I had bought on sale several weeks ago (a sale too good to pass up despite the clothes being a bit too tight) and tried them on. Not only did they fit (I couldn’t button up the pants before and the shirt cut into my arms) they looked cute. But can I tell you something? There was a voice (no, not literally lol) in my head telling me:

“It’s not good enough”

And so I sat down and I ate. I had some stir fry, some yogurt, 2 bowls of cereal and a box of belgian chocolates.  I was angry the ENTIRE TIME I was eating.

Did I enjoy my food? Absolutely not!

Did I want to stop eating? Absolutely!

Was I full? Completely!

But the question is friends, what did I do? Did I stop eating? Those of you who have been in this position before know. I stopped when the food was gone, long after I was full.

And now all I feel is shame/guilt/regret/etc.

I have not binged in a very, very long time. Many years ago, it was part of my everyday life. I can’t even remember the last time I binged! But I let my anger and frustrations about the number on the scale affect me in a very negative way. For days I kept telling myself, “just ride it out, the weight will come down”, but today was just the last straw, and in retrospect, I feel ridiculous about it. I mean, I lost about 15 lbs in 3 weeks. And I’m upset about a 2.5 lb gain????? Why couldn’t I just be happy with the overall loss, think about how great I’ve been feeling lately and just continue enjoying the process? I mean, that’s what I had resolved to do, right?

Why do I need to be so hard on myself?

Good question. I have no idea. Unfortunately, these things do happen, and as someone who used to do a lot of emotional eating, it is evident that I am not immune. Remnants of my emotional eating remain and I need to reflect on how best to deal with this. One thing I am sure of though:

I’m going to let go of my guilt/shame/regret/feelings of failure this very minute.

Yup, there’s a reason I named the blog “Moment Anew” and unfortunately, sometimes we need more than one. Tonight, I start fresh and move on from here. That’s really all I can do. I chalk it up to being a learning experience, and focus on the positive:

I’m grateful to have the most wonderful, supportive husband a girl could ever have

I’m grateful to have this open, supportive forum in which to discuss these things

I’m grateful to be in good health

I’m grateful for my improved energy levels and general outlook since I have changed my eating habits

I’m grateful for the overall weight loss, which is impressive, regardless of any gain

I’m grateful to have the presence of mind to be able to move on from this moment and to learn from it

I mean, I’m a lucky, lucky girl. For many, many reasons. I guess sometimes, we get so caught up in ourselves we can’t see the forest for the trees. Taking a step back, I realize that this wasn’t the end of the world, despite the emotions I felt while it was happening.
So my plan for now is….

1.To continue my fabuloso eating habits, focusing on the usual–veggies, fruit, lean protein, healthy fats.

2.No counting calories yet–I’m really trying to avoid this

3.To really pay attention while eating and to stop when satiated

4.Get some cardio in every day–even just a light walk–this really seems to help with my mood

5.To stay away from the scale for now–consider a weigh in every other week or so, or to just go by measurements, I will have to think about this

6.Schedule in some special “me” time–either a massage or a facial at my favourite spa, or try out a yoga class

7.To focus on the positive: think about what I’m grateful for each day

8.To ask for help: from here on in, if I feel this happening again (though I pray it doesn’t) I have several friends I can contact to talk openly about this and will contact them instead of going it alone.

But in all honestly, can I just tell you that we are so much more than this!!! I am so much more than this silly binge. There is so much more to life than this and I will not let today’s experience define who I am. I will move on, continue to progress towards my goals and continue on my path to wellness.  There is a big, wonderful world out there and I am ready to be a vital part of it as a healthy, happy person.

I refuse to give up. I know I’m worth it!

 Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. Thank you for your support. It means the world to me. 🙂